Penelope

You can find anything on Etsy, right? Like… Anything. And there’s a helpful site named Regretsy (unaffiliated) that points out some of the more interesting things found on Etsy. And yesterday morning, I saw a uterus lamp. This uterus lamp.

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That lamp is fabulous. I love it. Let’s all ignore that it’s incorrectly labeled as a vagina lamp instead of a uterus lamp…
The more I looked at it, the more the little craft gremlin in my head said things like, “That uterus is awesome. I bet you could make a uterus. You could crochet a uterus. You HAVE to crochet a uterus.” So I had to crochet a uterus. I was working on the fourth side of the gingerbread house, but I was compelled to crochet a uterus, and I wouldn’t be able to work on anything else until I got my uterus done.

And I have to say, it was kind of fun saying things like, “I think my uterus might be too big.” “You can play with my uterus after I’m done.”

As I was making her, I realized that she needed a name. Penelope seemed to fit. And so, without further ado, here’s Penelope.

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I’m thinking of making her a Santa hat, so she can be ready for the holidays. Also for potential holiday cards. I’m also thinking about making another one in purple and orange, ’cause who doesn’t want a purple and orange uterus?

And now… The pattern. This is not the first uterus pattern that’s going up on Ravelry, but I think it’s the only one with ovaries. At this time.

Materials

  • worsted weight rose, baby pink
  • g-sized crochet hook (or whatever size will make stitches tight enough to hold in stuffing)
  • stuffing

Ovaries (make 2)
1) ch 2, 6 sc in 2nd ch from hook, join with sl st (6)
2) ch 1, *sc, 2 sc in next sc* around, join with sl st (9)
3) ch 1, *sc2, 2 sc in next sc* around, join with sl st (12)
4) ch 1, *sc3, 2 sc in next sc* around, join with sl st (15)
5) ch 1, *sc3, dec over 2 sc* around, join with sl st (12)
6) ch 1, *sc2, dec over 2 sc* around, join with sl st (9)
7) ch 1, *sc, dec over 2 sc* around, join with sl st (6)
stuff
break yarn, finish off

Uterus
1) ch 2, 6 sc in 2nd ch from hook, join with sl st (6)
2) ch 1, 2 sc in each sc around, join with sl st (12)
3) ch 1, *sc, 2 sc in next sc* around, join with sl st (18)
4) ch 1, *sc2, 2 sc in next sc* around, join with sl st (24)
5) ch 1, *sc3, 2 sc in next sc* around, join with sl st (30)
6) ch 1, *sc4, 2 sc in next sc* around, join with sl st (36)
7) ch 1, sc in each sc around, join with sl st (36)
8) ch 1, *sc5, 2 sc in next sc* around, join with sl st (42)
9) ch 1, sc in each sc around, join with sl st (42)
10) ch 1, *sc12, dec over 2 sc* around, join with sl st (39)
11) ch 1, *sc11, dec over 2 sc* around, join with sl st (36)
12) ch 1, *sc10, dec over 2 sc* around, join with sl st (33)
13) ch 1, *sc9, dec over 2 sc* around, join with sl st (30)
14) ch 1, *sc8, dec over 2 sc* around, join with sl st (27)
15) ch 1, *sc7, dec over 2 sc* around, join with sl st (24)
16) ch 1, *sc6, dec over 2 sc* around, join with sl st (21)
17) ch 1, *sc5, dec over 2 sc* around, join with sl st (18)
18-21) ch 1, sc in each sc around, join with sl st (18)
22) ch 1, *sc, dec over 2 sc* around, join with sl st (12)
stuff
23) ch 1, dec over 2 sc around, join with sl st (6)
break yarn, finish off

Ovarian Ligament (make 2)
1) ch 2, 4 sc in 2nd ch from hook, join with sl st (4)
2-5) ch 1, sc in each sc around, join with sl st (4)
break yarn, finish off

Fallopian Tubes (make 2)
1) ch 6, sl st to form ring. ch 1, sc in each sc around, join with sl st (6)
2-21) ch 1, sc in each sc around, join with sl st (6)
22) ch 1, *sc, 2 sc in next sc* around, join with sl st (9)
23) ch 5, sl st in same st, *sl st in next st, ch 5, sl st in same st* around, join with sl st
break yarn, finish off

Eyes (make 2)
1) ch 2, 6 sc in 2nd ch from hook, join with sl st (6)

Assembly
Sew one end of ovarian ligament to one end of ovary. Repeat for other side. Sew to side of uterus. Sew row 1 of fallopian tube to side of uterus just above ovarian ligament. Bend around as shown and sew one or two of the “fingers” to the top of the end of the ovary as shown. Sew on eyes and embroider mouth.

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21 responses to “Penelope

  1. This is just pure awesome. Thank you for sharing it!

  2. This was so much fun to read! I'm so totally glad that you posted the pattern – I really think I want a purple and orange one. Seriously!!

  3. Thank you both! πŸ˜€ And if you do, Iesadora, I totally want to see pictures!!

  4. Wonderful! Hope you don't mind if I share this with a doula friend who teaches mothering and birthing classes. Penelope is lovely. Definitely make her a Santa hat. πŸ˜€

  5. Your work is wonderful, and I sit here thinking that would be one of the greatest gag gifts. I would also so laugh if I ever walked into an OB's office and saw it sitting on a shelf or counter somewhere.

  6. That's fantastic. I'm glad someone else is a big fan of Regretsy as well.

  7. @Risurocket- Please do! :D@Pisces to Love- I'm considering making one for my OB for the next time I go in for my annual.@Go Crochet and NazcaLines- Thank you! πŸ˜€

  8. Love it!! (I love Regretsy too)

  9. I love this. Like, a lot. I sent two of my friends over here to look and both of them dissolved into giggles.I'm not making it (my mom would give me That Look), but I'm definitely enjoying looking at it.Too cute!

  10. Thank you both! :D@Angel- You should totally make one. You could do it out of camouflage and then she'd never see it. πŸ˜‰

  11. Thanks πŸ˜€

  12. I love this! I am making one for a friend who is a sex therapist in Singapore to be her little sidekick. Also I am going to make her a cape with a giant S on it for Super Uterus.

  13. That's AWESOME!!! I want to see it when you're done! πŸ˜€

  14. Harriet the Super Uterus (Penelope's adventurous half sister) can be viewed here: http://ravel.me/npulcino/hu

  15. She's fantastic! I ❀ her!

  16. omg. this is so funny

  17. I love this! My daughter is a labor & delivery nurse and she is getting one of these!

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